There is a Valentine
It is throbbing, pierced–
trajectory fixed and floating.
Clouds darken with epiphanies–
I daresay it looks like rain.
There is a Valentine
It is throbbing, pierced–
trajectory fixed and floating.
Clouds darken with epiphanies–
I daresay it looks like rain.
I am writing to you on my wonderful new all-in-one computing device, and I must admit the 23″ touchscreen makes me feel as though I am really writing to you from a spaceship. Any moment now I could go into hyperdrive and leave this planet far, far behind. I am quite particular about my keyboards as well, and this wireless one is smooth, but still provides a satisfying mini-thud sound whenever I punch a key. Then when I start typing really quickly (like right now) I look like one of those “hackers” in spy movies that mash the keys on a computer and somehow manage to make the lights go out. I’m pretty much a typing prodigy. In addition to this computer, I am also expecting a surface pro to arrive early next week. Now that the model 2s are out, the originals are on sale. I was able to purchase both my all-in-one and the surface pro for the same amount I was considering spending on a MacBook pro. Additionally, both of my units will be able to run Office 13 Pro which is superior to the Office ’11 available for MAC users, and I will be able to write on my surface pro in class just like I would a notebook. I am giddy over my refund-enabled purchases, and will now be able to write papers for grad school without having to worry that my computer will randomly shut itself off at any moment, just for a lark.
Grad school is pretty much my life right now, that and work. Hello the next three years! On top of two classes, I also am required to meet with dyad partners every week outside of class to discuss the movies and books we read weekly. Oh, I also need to research different private practices in the area, because as a part of my program I am required to attend a certain amount of therapy sessions. If you have any recommendations, be sure to send them my way! Turns out it’s somewhat difficult to get approved for billing through GroupHealth when your initial reason for therapy is “grad school requirement”. (Sidenote: I do think it will be a very valuable experience, and all therapists should be going through therapy as well, so even though I joke I am taking it seriously). Don’t get me wrong, I love being in the classroom and am very excited about both the field and also the new friends I am making, but I am afraid I am in a sort of bartering system with myself where I either get to A) spend some time relaxing B) spend some time exercising C) Spend some time socializing or D) spend some time cleaning but I cannot ever seem to fit in more than one. I will get better, I’m just a little out of practice! (Ok I need to interject here and go back to the whole subject of my magical space-age computing device and let you know that I am so ecstatic right now!)
In order to help simplify my life a little I thought I would attempt to address my never-ending bag lady problem by sewing myself a custom bag big enough to carry everything. I ordered the most adorable fabric from Spoonflower (if you have not explored that website you are missing out on life) and have begun making it. The end goal is to create a giant, quilted tote. The lining is sewn and the outside is cut and waiting to be sewn. The quilting, straps, pockets and other embellishments are still under consideration. I fear, however, that I may have made a slight miscalculation. This current dilemma was actually brought on by a remark one of my dyad partners said to me after we had our last session. She merely mentioned that I might not want the most giant bag (my paraphrase, her words were definitely more elegant) as it would be rather heavy. Now, ever since she said that, I’ve been staring at my beautifully prepared lining thinking, “it’s too big”. I think I’m just having a brief emotional crisis that I shall ignore and continue on. I mean, 21″x17″x7″ isn’t an unreasonable size for an over-the-shoulder bag, is it? I mean it’s big, but is it too big? I will be carrying files, textbooks, a surface, my wallet, a water bottle, snacks and dinner. You know what? No, no I’m not going to doubt myself. If it ends up being hilariously large I’ll just use it as an overnight bag and make another school bag of more moderate proportions. After all, you can never have too many bags. Ok, crisis averted. Kind of.
Except the more bags I make, the less far I am getting from the moniker “bag lady”.
Who am I kidding? I’ll always be a bag lady. I’ll just make sure to always have really, really cute bags.
So cute that you’re going to start carrying more bags just so you can be more like me.
Clearly I need those therapy sessions.
To summarize, in closing: School, work=my life. School+work=lots of bags. New bag+school+work+computing devices=awesome, resigned, bag lady life.
I just know that 2014 is going to be a solid year–I’m already having a jolly time. This morning I woke up at 5:30 and then snoozed until 6:00. I love a good snooze. After acknowledging that the morning was rolling away, I popped (read: rolled) up and got ready. I had just enough time to shower, do my hair and makeup, make and eat breakfast, make coffee, and get into the office before 8am. I was the first one there! That hasn’t happened for a while. So the morning was just delightful.
Later on I ate the lunch that I had packed myself (oh yes, I ALSO packed lunch before leaving home) and then headed over to my Dentist’s office for my teeth cleaning. I had forgotten when my appointment was, but luckily the office always confirms the day before. I arrived with a few minutes to spare, so was surprised when the receptionist greeted me with a strange look instead of a friendly smile. Things felt a little weird. “Two o’clock, right?” She didn’t even bother to use words, just lifted three little fingers and shook her head at me. So…I drove back to work. Which was good, because I ended up running into about three different fires that needed dousing. Which was also bad, because as I was straightening things out I glanced up at the clock and realized I was about to be late for my actual appointment. At this point I dropped some files off mid-conversation with a coworker and rushed off while squeaking, “I’m going to miss the dentist!” Of course I arrived promptly at five minutes before my appointment and the receptionist and I giggled over my second appearance of the afternoon. I then got to spend the next half hour relaxing in the comfortable dental chair and getting my teeth cleaned as my dental hygienist complemented my complexion, inquired after my work and shared happy holiday stories. Such bliss!
I finished out the work day (plus some more to make up for the dentist adventure), and got a reminder call about my haircut tomorrow. I wrote down the time just to be safe. When I got home I made mango-mint chicken with bean salad, paid my rent (after having to fix the year on my check…oops), and made my lunch for tomorrow. And requested an eye appointment because my prescription is about to expire.
Oh yes! And I got to take notes on my brand new clipboard-folio in the office, inspiring jealousy around me. Nothing like brand new office supplies to make a girl happy.
All I’m saying is that whether the events of this year are commonplace or extraordinary, it’s the attitude that can really make the day.
My dear friends I have something to admit. You all know that sports have never been my thing, and I once took a book to a Mariner’s game. But the thing is…I’ve kind of secretly gotten into this whole Seahawks fervor. It’s not my fault, I swear! It’s exciting to have a local team that’s winning. I got sucked in about halfway through the season when I was driving home from Portland. I like listening to talk radio when I’m driving, and on this particular day instead of the hosts I was expecting, the local station was broadcasting the Seahawks game. And you know what? It was exciting! I didn’t have to know anything about football, the broadcasters made it a fun experience and at the end I found myself rooting for the home team. After that, I got my homemade tv antenna from my Dad, and started using that to tune in to the live games. I wouldn’t say I’m a fanatic, and I still find all of the day-of status updates to be kind of annoying, but I have been secretly paying attention to every game since. What can I say? I’m a sucker for phenomena.
In other news, Christmas was delightful and I have been thoroughly enjoying my week and a half off from work. Gotta bless holiday leave! Admittedly I’ve been rather slothful, but as soon as classes start up again I won’t have a moment to rest so I’m not even going to feel guilty about it. I mean, when else am I going to be able to devote this much energy to netflix streaming and hulu+? I was still tired from fall, so I think it was necessary for my mental health to not do a heck of a lot over break.
As a result, I’ve had this brilliant idea. Ok, I’ve had several brilliant ideas over this break. One of them is this idea for a crafting club (if you’re interested hit me up), another is a premise for a play, and the last is a sort of Emilie take on health resolutions. I’m giving myself a LOT of leeway here, but my resolution is to exercise for 30 minutes (type of exercise does not matter), at least 300 days in 2014. See what I did there? That is 65 days of no pressure, and a short time period to qualify for having exercised. But if I meet that goal it will still be the most successful year of consistent exercise yet. I’m going to make a cute little chalkboard and just make a hash mark each time I meet the goal. If I meet the 300, I’ll probably buy something nice as a reward. I’ll keep you updated on how well I do, but I think this is an excellent way to recognize that I want to be more consistent in exercising without coming from a body-negative perspective. My hope is that I will exercise more than 300 days, but it’s a great jumping off point. Feel free to join me in this effort if it resonates with you!
Speaking of health–if you are looking for a way to drink more water I highly recommend buying yourself a giant wine glass. Now hear me out here–my secret santa at work gave me peppermint ice cream and a giant wine glass for Christmas and while I laughed at the time, it has become a new favorite possession. According to the label it can fit an entire bottle of wine in it, and while I haven’t tried that out I will attest that it has a nice weight and fits deftly in the palm of my hand. I’ve been filling it with water and drinking out of it throughout the course of the day. By the time I go to bed I’ve had several bottle’s worth of water! It’s the adult way to stay hydrated…
Can I get a resounding head-shake on the fact that it is practically 2014?
I love my little home here, with my pictures and crafts and music nook and books. Someday I’m going to want a house, but for now this suits me just fine.
Here’s to happy thoughts, and new loves, and learning in the new year. Here’s to making it through setbacks, working long hours, and finishing them off with a smile and joke. I don’t know what the year holds in store (other than lots of homework), but I think that’s the best.
Can it truly be almost Christmas? The glowing tree in my living room seems to say yes, but by my account it’s still weeks and weeks away. I think my sense of the passage of time has become skewed. I noticed years ago that spaces which awed me as child seem cramped and lackluster now, but it is alarming how quickly another year has come and almost gone. Where’s the time to breathe?
I had intended to write a Christmas update letter and mail it to friends and family, but I think this is a better forum for such a newsletter.
Here is the speedy version:
1) I hosted a small Christmas Crafting party on Sunday and had a delightful time. My homemade snow globe contains a veritable snow storm!
2) I have already completed one semester of grad school, and cannot wait for the second. Counseling Psychology is fascinating, and relates very well to my background in the arts.
3) I’ve become a nester. I keep decorating and upgrading my furniture, and having a home makes me feel so content. I used to think I’d always want to be a renter, but now I know eventually I will want to own my own place.
4) I’ve put about a gazillion miles on poor Suzuki thanks to work, and some road trips with friends. She keeps trucking along, and I have so enjoyed reconnecting with old friends and making some new.
5) I have read many excellent books (as well as some terrible) and am looking forward to getting time over my week and a half holiday for reading some more.
6) My taste buds are changing. Greens entice me in a way they never had before, and I actually like cheesecake and egg nog. I know, my former enemies which I had sworn against ever enjoying are now on my holiday “must” list.
All of this is to say that things in Emilie-land continue, for the most part, to be lovely and happy and productive. They also slip by quickly.
Thank heavens October is over. That was an exhausting month. I visited Juneau and Anchorage for work, and I really liked Anchorage. Also the air was dry so my hair looked amazing, and I am putting that on the back burner in case there is ever a chance to live there for a while. The food, however, is heinously expensive. It was beautiful, but I was a little disappointed at how much Alaska looked like Washington. Granted, I made it right before the snow started, so perhaps that would alter the landscape. I did eat reindeer!
I got to see a Glacier in Juneau, and in Anchorage I was able to check out the Anchorage Museum, which was great! It had art, Alaskan state and tribal history, a hands-on station which was probably designed for Children but was my favorite part, and the best thing was they were having a bead trade show so everybody got in for free!
I have always wanted to visit Alaska, so I can check the state off of my bucket list. I would love to go back and spend some time exploring farther north, see the aurora borealis, and visit the tourist trap at the North Pole. Also lots of hiking and nature!
After Alaska, I visited Boise, Idaho for the first time. I hate to say it, but Boise may just be the ugliest city I have ever seen in my life. The downtown was brown and unimpressive, and the surrounding areas were just blah. The attention to aesthetics in the city was extremely lacking, and honestly it made me a little unhappy to be missing beauty. Unlike Alaska where I walked around thinking, “wow, this is so beautiful” and consequently feeling at peace, in Boise I walked around thinking “ugh” and was relieved to fly back to Seatac. I did win a Mrs. Potato head at the fair, as well as eat ice cream cleverly shaped like a potato.
Then on returning from Boise I rushed down to campus to refill on college fair pieces, go to class, meet about a paper with a classmate, and then drive down to Portland to be there for the fair the next day.
I was pretty exhausted by this point, but I had a great time in Portland. I presented at the National college fair which went well, was able to meet up with some friends for meals, as well as have lunch with my family before heading home. While in Portland I also discovered that the Starbucks mugs I have been coveting for months were finally on clearance, so I purchased eight of them to take home and replace the chipped mugs I have. I also finally bought the Martha Stewart chair I’ve been wanting for my office.
The desk was only available online, so I ordered it. In order to save time I will give the short version of the desk shopping fiasco: I ordered it online and the website promised it would be delivered on the 5th. It was not, and tracking information was suspiciously unavailable. The desk was finally delivered on the 7th. When I opened up the box I could not locate the desk legs right away, and after a moment of panic discovered them tucked inside the desk drawer. What was actually lacking from the box was even more infuriating–the hardware kit had not been packed inside the box. The next day I called the distributing company, and they informed me that it would take seven to ten business days to receive my hardware kit. He also mentioned that their database was down, so heaven knows if my order will even make it through. I was tired of waiting for my desk, so I marched over to Lowe’s to buy the eight bolts, lock washers, and flat washers that I needed. I found exactly what I wanted within a couple of minutes, but then some employee wandered over and asked what I was buying. I indicated that I had already found it, but then she insisted on knowing what I wanted it for. At that point she decided to tell me I had grabbed the wrong thing (because I had grabbed stainless steel as that had the size I needed and the cheaper options had not) and spent 35 minutes wandering up and down the aisle looking at different options and not letting me buy what I wanted. I told her the size of the bolt I needed, and was adamant that the bolt needed to be completely threaded. She gave me bolts that were only threaded for one inch, and insisted I needed to buy those. Also, while asking me about the desk, she kept referring to some imaginary “him”. An example: “what did He say you needed?” She acted as if I couldn’t possibly be looking for hardware without the instructions of some man. I found this shocking as she was a woman working at a hardware store, you’d think she would not want to perpetuate stupid gendered stereotypes. Rather than sticking to my guns, I was annoyed and hungry so in order to escape her clutches I bought the stupid wrong bolts, took them home knowing they were wrong, and was proved correct when they wouldn’t work because they were not fully threaded. Could I have been more forceful and insisted that she was mistaken, and bought what I wanted? Yes. And I probably should have. But for whatever reason in that particular moment it was more important for me to get away from the intrusive assistant than it was to buy the actual hardware that I needed. My desk is currently on the floor of my office, and as I had already appropriated the plastic rolling drawers I’d been using to supplement my old desk for extra organization in my bathroom, my printer is currently sitting on my office chair thus rendering my office completely unusable.
Reflection: I hate it when people are overly attentive, and I cannot stand it when people do things for me that I could be doing for myself, therefore extending a process. This is particularly true when I am shopping. When I am browsing, I take my time looking at every object soaking in the beauty and the possibilities, but when I am actually shopping with a purchase in mind I mean BUSINESS. I walk quickly, head straight to the aisle I need, search out my item, grab it, check out (preferably at self checkout) and am back in my car before most people get their shopping carts. I get this business look on my face (which I have heard makes people think that I am upset or angry or mean, and I feel is somewhat similar to my bar-face, which explains a lot) and the message I am trying to externally communicate is that I am efficient, I am on a mission, and am not to be bothered. Unfortunately this look is not successful as often as I would like, and when a poor shopping assistant ventures a tentative, “may I help you find something” I have to make a mental and physical effort to politely decline with a smile, rather than snap and snarl at them for derailing my trajectory. Inside my head, in addition to being efficient, I rather enjoy the process of figuring where an object is located, and feel cheated when some employee shows me where it is rather than allowing me to find it for myself. In short–shopping is a very private and important process to me, and I can’t stand it when others intrude in that process unless I’ve invited them in on a joint shopping trip. Now, let’s all look for pathology there!
For having to work on my Sunday birthday, I had a rather lovely day. Our open house went well, my boss and I were given matching tiaras, and our office ordered us cake!
Now that I’m 24, 6 years from 30 I may add, I’m making a concerted effort to transition from hand-me-down broken bookshelves and cast-off SMU furniture that is synonymous with post-residence-hall living, and slowly replace my furniture with nice, matching, and chosen items. My desk and chair were the first strides in this area. The next purchases will most likely be matching bookshelves for my books, and someday will be followed by some solution for the crafting/sewing half of my back room. In case you haven’t figured it out, aesthetics are particularly important for me, and having actual matching bookcases seems like a logical transition from recent college graduate to young professional. Which I am.
The final note in this unabashedly segue-less update post is that if you are interested in seeing me on stage in the near future, your only opportunity is on November 22nd. I am filling in for one night only at the SMU One-Acts in Laundry & Bourbon (which will be in the first half of the evening). Go see it any other night to see the actual Hattie, but if you want to see me that’s your one shot until heaven knows, maybe I’ll find a summer production to be a part of. We’ll see how I feel homework-wise.
That’s all for now folks, I’ve got lines to memorize and dishes to wash.
No matter how lovely the day, my birthday would not be complete without some reflections on the past year and recognition of all that has passed, as well as those who have influenced me. Year twenty-three has been one of tremendous personal growth. While from the outside my year may have seemed stolid, I assure you a great many changes have occurred. The most obvious is that I have begun graduate school and am a semester in to a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology. What precipitated that decision, and what motivates my future choices, is rooted under the surface.
This year I have learned how brave I am. I have asked for, and been ready for, and accomplished bigger things than I ever thought possible on both a personal and professional basis. Bookish and brainy, gifted with not patience but the foresight to wait for better things; I always viewed myself as a little timid. The truth? I’m a brave, brave woman. I will try most anything that resonates, and each time I challenge myself I feel nothing but rewarded. And my resolution to “get out there” socially? A smashing success! I have never had a year more balanced with healing solitude and rewarding social time.
I have also learned to recognize the gift of family, and to appreciate having them close enough to be a part of their lives and have them be a part of mine. Autonomy has always been important to me, but this year I have learned about the importance of connection.
It has also sunk in that I can be a successfully independent adult. Which includes things like mowing the lawns on time, paying my bills and managing my budget, and choosing carefully where I want to spend my energy. Time is finite, and I don’t want to waste a moment of it. Does that mean you won’t find me marathoning hulu and netflix, or taking a nap when I feel exhausted from travel season? Absolutely not. It just means that I recognize the purpose everything serves in my life, and when there is something that is a consistantly negative drain on my energy I am learning how to say no and cut that thing from my life. I’m growing, and with growth comes discernment.
On the health spectrum, the year has been viscissitudinal. From month to month I wavered back and forth between excellent eating habits and subpar choices. I had several consistent months of exercise, and completed two 5ks with another scheduled for December! That may seem like a small accomplishment to most of you, but to me that was a monumental success. Other months, particularly this last, had feeble and scattered attempts at fitness. Those months directly correlated with the hours required at work and with outside activities, so I am also trying to be much more cognizant in the future of what I sign up for. A constant challenge, that.
I love my job. I love my class. I love my friends, new and old. I love my family. I love my understanding of self, and how it continues to grow. I LOVE where I live. I’m not being superlative.
I know a lot of people have had strong reactions to my life choices and motivations behind them, but I assure you I’m on an authentic path. All learning is related, and all paths are connected.
There is still a lot of life to live, and slowly I am realizing that it is alright to pass on opportunities. I do not have to fit everything in now, there will always be new chances around the corner and at better times.
I want to give back, in my own way, to those around me.
My intentions for year twenty-four follow:
1) Do only as much as is rewarding, learn to pass on what is not
2) Give back, in a way that is genuinely Emilie
3) Write, play, sing
4) Focus on goal-oriented budgeting and spending
5) Purposefully hone areas of professional development
6) Continue to focus on physical health/fitness in rewarding, non-guilt driven ways
7) Go places and explore the world
And on top of intentions I have one wish:
1) Learn guitar. It’s time.
Of course, no year would be complete without those who help make memories, and to you all I can say is thank you:
Thank you for the advice. Thank you for the trust and opportunities. Thank you for the concerts and road trips. Thank you for the inspiration. Thank you for your patience with me, and willingness to be available when I am–which is not as often as I would like. Thank you for the books, spa days, video chatting and blog posts. Thank you for the podcasts. Thank you for the tasks and projects. Thank you for the hugs (even though I’m still the world’s most awkward hugger). Thank you for the happy hours. Thank you for the phone dates and inside jokes. Thank you for sharing your journey, and belting your lungs out with me at the piano and in the car. Thank you for the unlimited opportunities and incredible teaching. Thank you for the non-ego ego-filled midnight breakfasts, late-night swimming and planners (all covers for “processing”). Thank you for the constructive criticism. Thank you for the collaborative process. Thank you for calling me out when needed. Thank you all for making this life a dream.
Twenty-four feels great to me.
There is no sleep as lightning strikes,
announced by booming thunder–
torrents elicit wicked smiles.
And, enveloped in darkness
a dangerous comfort,
keeps a precarious hold.
rivulet-ing through mind
as winds burst free
explode into reality
Moments caught in sharp relief
bleed into night.
Gone are the self-recriminations and obsessive guilt over not blogging enough, or not writing engaging content. Certainly some regularity in posting would be nice for readers, but I’m not going to feel poorly about not being able to deliver that. I’m so happy these days, and I’m not going to let any absurd self-imposed standards get in the way of that happiness.
Also gone are the days of strict life-planning (for now). I’ve lots of thoughts and directions about the far-off future, but for now I am going to devote myself to health, to work, to school, to art and to my circle of people. To who and where and what I am right now.
At the end of undergrad I was doing a great job with health and fitness but slowly (and definitely surely) a desk job, long hours and a lack in personal drive contributed to a backslide. So starting this month I am going to be more conscious of my food (going back to that veggie-centric focus in cooking I had for a while, and cutting back on wheat as well as processed foods) and striving for consistent exercise. I’ve started marking it off on my chore chart again. I’ll be checking in on here too, so do hold me accountable. I’m doing this because I’m starting to notice that when I eat unhealthy foods I don’t feel well, and also I want to build up physical stamina so that I can take full advantage of this area. I miss how active I was as a kid–camping, hiking, swimming and biking used to be what our family would do for recreation and I want to be able to not only do all of those activities, but take it up a notch and go backpacking and kayaking and adventuring!
As an adult I’ve had a tough time balancing work, art, life, friends and all I want to do. I think this is normal and as I will always have a million interests I shall always have this problem as well. You may remember that back in January I wanted to do a better job of engaging socially and getting out of my one-person cocoon. I would like to report back that I think I have been quite successful in this area. So successful, in fact, that I’ve even noticed myself getting lonely on the weekends (and to be honest weeknights) when I don’t have any social time planned! Yes, me, lonely.
I’ve got to tell you, after 23 years the All-About-Emilie Show is getting pretty old.
So what have I been doing? (I shall now contradict the above statement by continuing to talk all about myself). If you follow my social media you’ll know that I coordinated the SMU Alumni Sand in the City Team (I’m on the Alumni Board). We made a giant Bigfoot going to school. To be fair, I helped with the pound up but I was unfortunately not much of an asset in the carving portion. I pick up most art forms pretty quickly so it was a shock to my system that I might quite possibly be the worst sand carver ever. My mind doesn’t function that way. I can build, but I can’t carve. Strange, huh?
Yesterday I spent the morning having coffee, then I went downtown and sat for a few hours around Capitol Lake sketching. After sweating and covering my fingers in charcoal I nipped on over to Radiance for some motherwort as well as a couple of delicious aromatherapy candles. I chose “balance” and “harmony” and highly recommend both. There is apparently some sort of festival going on this weekend called Harbor Days at the downtown marina. I did a quick walk-through and from what I could tell there were a lot of vendors and a couple of boats that you could visit. I didn’t stay there long. But! Oh! I totally aced the “back-in” parking by the lake! Maybe next I’ll be brave enough to practice my parallel parking in public…
I’m also taking Family Systems Therapy this term as my first MAC class. I’m glad I started out with this class because while systems therapy is quite different than individual therapy, it’s a great jumping off point to recognize the patterns in my own family interactions. I’ve only had one class so far but we started by reading a couple of books for the first session. The shifting dynamics between the “case studies” covered in the books were very interesting because they very closely mirrored status exercises in theatre. I’m getting so excited about the possibility of combining theatre and therapy, and eventually focusing my scholarship on art and therapy.
In addition to admitting to myself that I love living in this area, I have also come to terms with the fact that I want to stay in higher ed forever and ever. Some bosses of mine may be laughing and saying “I told you so” right now but I shall ignore such childish behavior and open myself up to all of the possibilities in this field. Yes, I definitely want to teach as well as continue on in administration (most likely eventually moving out of enrollment) and yes I do plan to perform and practice therapy and write and teach and work all at once. I can do it all. I’ve always done it all. It’s ok to do it all. I’m going to anyway, but thanks to some advice passed on to me, I’m teaching myself that I’m going to do it my way anyway so rather than flailing around and feeling guilty about it before breaking down I should just do it my way from the beginning and be happy.
It seems to me that a lot of people don’t value happiness very highly. Professional success, sure. Money, definitely. But happiness? A lot of people seem to do without. I’m not ok with not being happy. Of course I will go through moments and seasons of unhappiness, but even at my most troubled there is an underlying happiness (not just contentment!) that I believe is found by living in the present and having faith that life will work out. In my experience it always has.
In my case life seems to have done much more than just “work out”. It is glorious.
Have a delightful September, and I’ll check in as I have things to report.
They strike as eyes close
brain tries to remember
and in the morning–
The weekends seem to go by so quickly. Not just the weekends, but the weeknights and days as well. Does the spinning wheel ever slow or, as I age, does velocity take over?
I wish I could consistently get out of bed in the 5am hour before work. The days I do are infinitely superior to those spent slumbering away until 6:30 or 7:00, I have time for breakfast and coffee and thoughts and words. After I have one or two of these days my pattern has been a week of extra-late waking to recover. I would really like to break this pattern.
My ideal day consists of writing and music and work and exercise and moments of quiet. With the infernal acceleration of the passage of time (that affects everything except the last four workday hours on a Friday) I have yet to find a way to fit that all in. I just feel that 5am is the best answer.
How do you convince yourself to get out of bed in the early mornings? Living 14 minutes away from work (counting stoplights and bicyclists) is a blessing…but it can also lead to laziness.
I’m apt to throw things out like “we all have the rest of our lives to live” but lately I’ve been having weird twinges. I can probably blame it on watching four seasons of Parenthood in a week and a half (such a smart show!) but whatever the reason I’ve been wondering about this “30 is the new 20″ way that society is going. Numerous studies have popped up in my twitter feed over the past year discussing the “later family/later career” trends. Twenty-somethings live at home, thirty-somethings start careers and many adults are waiting to get married/have children until late thirties and occasionally later. Some economists are attributing some of the shakiness to the lack of “new households” (the commerce that spreads out in ripples when couples move in, young adults move out, houses are purchased) because adults are waiting longer to “settle down”.
I’m certainly not on track to be starting a family any time soon, and I’ve no intention of buying a home within the next 6 years. I am working but am also starting grad school, which will change my trajectory slightly in three years. I am fine with this, but it is a large shift from my parents’ and particularly grandparents’ generations.
So I suppose what I’m asking is, do I feel like the world is speeding up without my permission because that’s just what happens, or do I feel this way because the rate at which people grow up is changing?