Breaking The Silence


I showed the poster in my last post for our “Clothesline Project” event.

Here it is again–

The event was a success, I was extremely impressed by the numbers of both men and women that came out and decorated shirts. All of our shirts were used and hung. Everyone was extremely respectful and it was a very healing evening for many people. People were able to share stories about their past or the past of people they know, and to share hope for the future.

See close-ups of the shirts HERE. (Photos burgled from here as well.)

In other news: It’s been a while since I have given one of my life-relationship-speeches so I think my blog audience is a little overdue 🙂

*A side note: Lately I have been changing a lot. I am all about respecting the rights of women, and teaching them to respect themselves. I am not a “feminist” (or whatever the idea of a feminist has become) but I am all about creating strong, confident women. It’s becoming very important to me, and to spreading to others.

Today’s subject–SETTLING.

I know I have mentioned it briefly before but I think this is an important enough subject to warrant its own post.

I see so many women who are so afraid of being alone that they get together with a man (and stay with him) no matter what.

I do not care who a woman is, whether we are best friends, frienemies, or rivals: NO WOMAN DESERVES TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP LACKING RESPECT!  (or man either but as I am a woman I will be writing from that perspective.)

What exactly is settling? Settling is when a person ignores all of the numerous slights and grievances caused over and over again by their partners because they “probably won’t find anyone else.”

This is crap, ladies. Absolute crap.

If a man really cares about you, he will put in an effort.

He will NOT roll out of bed and look like hell at your major events.

He will NOT put you last in his mind, ignore you when you are present, and forget about you when you are not.

He will NOT verbally or physically abuse you, however slight.

He will NOT act as though being around you is a chore.

He will NOT make you feel like an inferior human being on a daily basis.

Why is it we can all spot a bad relationship a mile away, except for when we are in one?

There is something extremely wrong with our culture.

When we are not in a relationship we long to be in one, we think that finding the perfect man and having the perfect wedding will guarantee the perfect life.

Then once a person is in that relationship they miss being single and try to find a way out of it.

Then they are lonely and start shopping around again.

This is a vicious cycle and it needs to END.

I put forth that a person has no business being in a relationship with someone else if they are not first accepting of themselves.

Enter Emilie’s Amazing Relationship Theory:

If every woman in a bad relationship would dump her douchey BF, and then NOT DATE ANOTHER ONE we could end this cycle.

–The woman would have to stop dating until she finds a genuinely nice guy, and she might be lonely for a few years but she could use that time to figure herself out, preparing herself for a better relationship in the future.

–After enough years of every lame man getting NONE, they would eventually realize that they have to be un-lame in order to get a woman and *POOF* assholes of most varieties would disappear.

Or at least that is how it would happen in Emilie’s world.

I guess I just want every person to ask themselves a few questions, and answer honestly.

1–Why are you with this man?

2–Do you want a future with this man or are you using him as a placeholder?

3–Are you alright with yourself?

4–Does this man treat you well? NO EXCUSES, NO HALF-TRUTHS, and NO EXPLANATIONS.

and then, one more time,

5–Why are you with this man?

I am not trying to discourage anyone from being in a relationship, I just want to instill in everyone a value for a healthy relationships. All relationships are hard, and full of hard work; but I feel as though every person should be able to vocalize why they are willing to put in that work. If you cannot answer these questions then you have no business being in your relationship.

And those are my two cents of the evening.

Today’s programming brought to you by:

1–He’s Just Not That Into You (IMDB) This film, while extremely painful to watch at some moments, points out a lot of truths about people and what they put up with just so they can be in a relationship.

2–Douchey behavior that I have been observing in several men around campus and in the community lately. Ladies, seriously, you could do so much better. (Conversely, a few of you men out there really need to ask yourselves why you are still in your relationships.)

Have a lovely, introspective evening.

Sincerely,

Emilie

P.S. Yes, I know some of you are thinking, “but Emilie you’ve never dated someone you don’t know anything.” Let me tell you there is a reason I have never dated anyone. If I just wanted a BOYFRIEND badly enough I am positive I could go out and find one without exerting too much energy. But I don’t just want a boyfriend. I want the boyfriend. And I am not going to expose myself to a whole bunch of heartache on the off-chance that I just might get lucky one day. I am going to be patient, and spend the waiting trying to figure myself out. I encourage you to do the same.

–E.S.

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5 thoughts on “Breaking The Silence

  1. This is a cool project. I like how the foreign students (for lack of a more correct term…) did their shirts in their own writing system. Did any of them tell you what they meant?

    • The one with the heart, I don’t remember the exact translation, but it was something to the effect of “end violence against women” and something about equality. I would have to ask but I completely agree it was beautiful that the women wrote in their own languages.

  2. Em-

    Your blog is so true about a lot of women we know. I have been noticing the same things and have been struggling to help a few girls that are close to me to try and understand. I am impressed that you hit it right on the nose, regardless of having been in a relationship. It is so refreshing to see someone so self confident and independent, someone who doesn’t need a boyfriend to feel special and good about themselves. It really is rare nowadays.

    I, on the other hand, HAVE been in that relationship—and look back in disgust. In a relationship of over a year, I felt that I had invested so much time and energy in him that I couldn’t let go. I was so blind to everything going on, in denial about what was really happening. Luckily, now that I’m out of that situation looking back, I really learned a lot about how if I would have just ended it earlier I would have saved myself so much hurt. Now, because I know I never want to go through that again, I am able to stand up for what I want and am strong enough to end a bad relationship. In the end, it made me stronger. But I feel like for many girls they keep getting into the same type of relationships.

    Anyway, had to put my two cents in. I think you are a wonderful person and I’m glad you are holding out for Mr. Right!

    (P.S. I’m putting up a wordpress account this summer, so excited!)

    • Thank you so much! It’s great to hear feedback, and I am glad that the awful circumstances helped strengthen you. Because you are right, I see girls go through it over and over and over again.
      And you’re getting a wordpress this summer?! AMAZING! We can be blogging buddies.
      I love blogging buddies 🙂

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