at least for a bit.
After another lovely long chat with Emily I have come to realize several things.
1–I do not need, and I do not want, a masters in performance. I am completely happy with the BA I will be receiving shortly but it is time for me to study other things.
2–I keep coming back to the truth that someday I do eventually want to teach at a university. Not for quite some time so I can do other things first, but eventually I want to give back and be able to help shape and encourage students.
3–I NEED to start pursuing my writing. This skill of mine has been latent for quite some time–now I need to bring it to the forefront. My blog is not the best example of my writing (it is, as I told Emily and parroted Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls, “word vomit”) but I know that I have a future in this area.
4–I can get up the energy to go go go, but honestly I am a very quiet person who needs solitary time in order to unwind and put myself back together. I need my space, I need some autonomy, and I don’t want to be hyper-busy 24/7. I do it out of necessity (and perhaps out of a need to prove something at times), I do it out of a desire to do everything, but I am coming to realize more and more that my truer self yearns for Emilie time.
5–While I definitely want to continue my classical training–learning the techniques necessary to improve my voice and maintain it, classical vocal literature intimidates me and I don’t particularly enjoy singing it. (Except for the German song–that I love.) I don’t particularly care for the fast-moving, ornamented music. I love the pedagogy behind voice, but the classical performance aspect is not entirely up my alley. I don’t know if this is just because of my past experiences or because of a true inclination but we shall see. CCM and Broadway, on the other hand, are a completely different story. These I love to do. These do not make me feel inadequate.
6–I need to experience different parts of the country.
All of these things come together into a decision I have about 98% made. I still want to seek the advice of professors, but I believe that I want need to go to grad school for Creative Writing.
And I need to do this without taking a year off.
I’m already in debt, might as well add on before I have to start paying back, right?
Besides. No one has money for grad school. One just has to take the plunge.
Many programs do give aid in the form of TA positions.
The next step–researching schools and putting together a portfolio. In short–getting in!
I have a few schools I’m interested in, I will be applying to a lot, but I have a pretty good idea of where I want to go.
And it will be tough.
But I can do it.
I know I can.
(By the way–my favorite rules to break are the dumb ones instilled in me by middle school teachers. I love starting sentences with “And” and “But”. Sidenote–in middle school my English teacher tried to convince me that “mercenary” was pronounced “murk-in-air-y”. What is public education coming to?)
Wish me luck.
Wish me guidance.
Wish me wisdom.
Wish me success.
I just feel like this is the correct path. For now.