Dear readers, fans, stalkers, and autobots:
First of all, I would like you all to know that it is currently 12 days until my 21st birthday (it is on the 27th, in case you get to this tomorrow or something. I would hate for you to think it is on the wrong day). My birthday has always been my favorite day of the year. It isn’t that I need the day to be all about me, or that I think I can get away with more than my usual share of sass, or even the few presents (although I do love presents) that I may or may not receive. It is more the idea of a fresh start, a new year in which I can do or be whatever I like. It is also a feeling of accomplishment, a commemoration of growth. I like to think of it as a sort of wake for the previous years in my life, and a dedication or blessing for the upcoming years.
My mother claims that when I was younger I would start counting down to my birthday months ahead of time, and that as soon as the month of October hit my grades would go down, I would become far too antsy to concentrate on anything remotely productive, and everyone around me would despair until after the 27th had passed. Little does she know; I am still filled with that ecstatic, bubbling joi de vivre when October 1st hits, but at least now I can keep it down to a simmer during school. Even if I weren’t to tell anyone (a tactic I’ve tried before, thinking that people wouldn’t judge me for being so “self-centered” which in the end just made me feel sad and judged–so now I just shout it from the rooftops) I would still know what was coming and would still have this overwhelming feeling of change and excitement. Think about how you used (or, if you’re like me, still do) to feel on Christmas Eve, and then multiply it by about ten. That’s where I am at, currently.
Now as to the particular excitement: I am turning 21. No, I am not going to go out and get trashed the moment the clock chimes twelve. However, I will now finally FINALLY be at an age where people can stop teasing me about being “a baby”, rolling their eyes at me and then explaining kindly to the amused hostess why we cannot sit in the bar area, making plans in front of me and then either making a sad face at me knowing that I cannot participate or suddenly stopping, distraught, and exclaiming, “wait, we can’t do that! Emilie’s not old enough!” Also, there are a few people who seem to think that they are better than me, their main reason being the fact that they are, and I am not, 21. Now they’ll have to come up with something more conclusive to prove their superiority.
Finally, I also get a new driver’s license! (Speaking of, somebody really needs to point out where the Lacey DMV is to me). It is going to be turned the other way, like a real adult license, and will no longer say anything remotely resembling, “age 18 on”. Also, it will have a new picture. Hopefully a more flattering picture. So if you catch me bright eyed and antsy, unable to concentrate, and ridiculously excited for no particular reason, you will know that I am probably just thinking in my head, “It’s almost my birthday!!!!”
*Sidenote: I wish I could still get away with wearing a tiara around without feeling like a complete DB like I did when I was little. I was going through old photos the other day, and every single birthday I had some sort of crown stuck on my head. I think later this week I will upload some of them, as they are quite adorable.
These past two days I have not had school as St. Martin’s was on Fall Study Break. For the responsible student, these two days off are designed to give us an opportunity to study for our midterm examinations which will be occurring next week (both of mine on Monday.) For the not responsible student it is an opportunity to completely ignore impending exams and get a head start on their drunken escapades in an attempt to experience the worst hangover on Sunday instead of Monday. I fall much closer to the first category of student (as was probably obvious by the use of the inclusive “my” and “our” and the exclusive “their” . You see what I did there?)
I spent just about all of yesterday before rehearsal cleaning, organizing, and downsizing. I went through my closet and bagged up almost all of my clothes that are now too big, too old, too ugly, or too worn out for me to be seen in public wearing. I say almost, because by the end I was panicking that I would have to go naked if I didn’t stop throwing things out, so a few highly questionable articles of clothing made it back into my closet on a sort of probationary period.
THE POSITIVES: I am back down (practically) to the size I was as a junior in high school. Which is crazy to believe. My body itself has obviously changed into that of an adult woman’s, but my size is slowly getting back to where it was.
–All but two of my pageant/prom gowns fit again. This is a huge accomplishment, and as a result I have a feeling I am going to be wearing poofy ballgowns to my recitals… These dresses have not just been sitting in my closet since high school, I have definitely tried them on multiple times and cried over the inches of exposed flesh in between the strained and only partially closed zippers.But those days, my friends, are over. Now I can feel free to twirl around the house feeling like a princess as much as I want–as long as nobody is home.
–I now have about 4 beautiful coats, all of which I held onto in the hopes that one day they would fit again, and low and behold they are mostly too big.
–A few casual dresses did make it through the cut, so I will wear those with tights.
THE DOWNSIDES (which I suppose aren’t really negative, but part of the journey)
–I have about three shirts now, two of which were only rescued because they were the lesser of many evils.
–A LOT of not-prom dresses, in almost perfect condition, received the boot (including but not limited to my only red dress, my bright pink flowered with pockets and twirly skirt from Macy’s dress, my pretty a-line plain black dresses, my black knit turtleneck dress, and a cool black a-line dress with a beaded neckline reminiscent of an Aztecan ceremonial robe).
–Since I bought all of those hangers over the past year to fit all of my clothing, I now have a closet half filled with empty hangers.
It’s been a while since I have made a resolution on here, so now you get three for the price of one! (Aren’t you excited?)
First resolution: Now that I don’t have a gargantuan behemoth bloated stomach to hide, I am going to buy/sew more form-fitting shirts (not icky “oh honey you’re wearing what?” too-small shirts, but shirts that flatter my new-and-improved figure instead of trying to camouflage it).
Second resolution: If I am going to allow myself my wonderful weekly almost-every-other-daily-lately caramel americanos, then I am going to go back to my stricter rule of no soda, no juice, just tea and water (and very occasionally hot cocoa). Also, I need to be a little more strict with snacks and goodies, I’ve gotten a little lenient in the last month (which is nothing to what I used to eat) but since my workouts are not as strenuous anymore due to the musical I need to pick up the slack on the other side.
Third resolution: If someone compliments how I look…I am (this time I will! I promise!) going to do my best to not only say thank you and smile, but try to believe it. Just because I have more goals to meet does not mean that I should not be proud of my progress.
Today I spent catching up on my listening journal for Music History, and doing a sad little bit of yoga. After four hours of homework, and only being halfway done, I got to the point where I now swear that if I have to listen to another mass part or madrigal I will probably do something quite drastic. When I get home from work I shall most likely practice some instruments, perhaps make something, do some studying, and watch some Smallville. Tomorrow I shall finish my homework so that on Sunday I can sew!
I hope that you are enjoying the crisp fresh fall air as much as I am!
An almost older Emilie
P.S. My plan that I made, which I am not quite ready to share yet, is not only still a goal but is becoming more real to me every day.
P.P.S. Anyone who is looking for gently used, fabulous, clothing who thinks they would fit my old clothes (a range of sizes) let me know. Or if you know of anywhere I could sell it, without its having to be brand-name, could you let me know?