Although wasn’t the ending to that book so delightfully cruel?
As I have been growing this year into myself, I’ve also been changing. I am surprised everyday at the little things I learn about myself, and about the woman I am becoming.
Some of the changes:
1–PEACE: It had been so long, I’d almost forgotten what that was like. I’m talking deep, in the bottom of my soul, underneath the surface peace. Like a vast body of water, my outside can get a little ruffled but my inside is still.
2–CONFIDENCE/PURPOSE: I have a feeling that these two might be related to the first item. Again, for the first time in about six years, I am feeling confident in myself and in my life-direction. I may not know all the steps, but I can tell that the general direction is healthy and beautiful and bigger than I ever dared to imagine before. (Insert chorus to a certain Jay-Z feat: Alicia Keyes song here)
3–TASTE BUDS: I like vegetables. I enjoyed a slice of pumpkin pie. I (dare I say it?) don’t actually hate cheesecake anymore. I cannot tolerate nearly as much sugar, and my portion sizes are much better. I even enjoy being…healthy!
4–ASSERTION: I have been coaching the ever-lovely Y on how to stand up for herself, and giving her ample opportunity to do so as my wonderful one-liners are not that funny when they are delivered over and over to the same person. (I am so sorry, I am trying to improve, I swear!) The funny thing about this, is that up until very recently, I was the pushover. I said yes to everything and everyone, and I was always the one capitulating in order to smooth over the situation. Then I went through that phase of quitting things, which led to me loving “NO”. Now, I guess I have improved so much in this area that I am helping others 🙂
5–CONTENT: While the very well-placed “that’s what she said” or frequent round of “FMK” still make me laugh, I’m finding my sense of humor to be restoring itself to its former, more mature levels. I think I have gotten over my delayed “high-school mentality”. I was rather lofty of mind in high school, so I reverted a few years when I got to college. I think my sensibilities are resurfacing due to over-exposure. Sure, I can appreciate a bawdy joke here and there, but the inundation of being on a college campus is becoming a tad tiresome.
6–HOPE: As I am sure you could tell, I had been despondent for quite some time, refusing to believe that I could be successful or happy, or even have a purpose. I am SO over that. Hello potential, I’m so happy you’re taking the time to emerge!
7–JOI DE VIVRE: It’s back, and it is not leaving. (Also, I had forgotten for a while, but it is the little things!)
8–FASHION: My look has always been mostly polished, with a zany Emilie twist. Now, however, I have come to the conclusion that buying casual clothing is not a good idea, as I simply refuse to wear it. I’ve embraced shorter hemlines and lower necklines, but my sense of taste is, I think, still classy and not trashy. Now that I have a skinnier bod, I am going to dress to flatter it, but not to hide it. After all, I have a reputation to keep up, as according to the flowering compliment giver, G-Force, I am the best dressed girl at SMU.
9–EXERCISE MIND/BODY: This one came with practice and vegetables…but I have to admit that I love going to the gym. I am now one of those girls who loves to do cardio, lift weights, dance, walk, dust off the yoga mat, and then finish up with a green smoothie and a copy of Eat, Pray, Love. I never saw that one coming…
I am growing up, I am growing strong, and I am growing happy.
The first week of Grease went very well personally, and I think it is a fun show! Thanks to all of you who came to support me!
To those of you who haven’t made it to Grease, I would like to encourage you to do so.
The show runs next Thursday, Friday, and Sunday at 8pm and next Sunday at 2pm. (The Sunday evening performance is pay-what-you-will due to its sing-along nature).
Have a calm, restful, and beautiful evening.