We all have moments of complete trust–trust that everything will work out, that miracles do occur, that just maybe magic is real, and that time does not matter.
We describe these feelings as “childlike wonder” and “faith”.
We describe this as peace.
I’ve been experiencing a lot of that lately. Feeling like the world will work its way out, so I can just sit back and relax. This doesn’t mean that I can stop working, be lazy, or lose my drive. It simply means that I don’t need to be constantly fretting all the time, second-guessing, or becoming debilitated by critics (inner and outer). I can just believe.
Searching for jobs can be very depressing these days, with little to recommend myself except customer service experience, event planning, and an arts degree. There have been a few days when I wondered if I really could do these things that I say I will. Then I just let go and magic happened. I was given another shift at Second Work, and offered a summer position through First Work. So for now I’m employed, and I’ve got plans. I am searching now for employment where I’d like to be, for when I finish here. The job market is very concerning, but I’ve decided not to be worried.
This belief that everything will be also moves into other areas of my life, sometimes translating into ridiculously silly, but pure, hope.
I am speaking of internet drawings/contests.
I sign up for every sweepstakes or drawing on the internet that I can find. I’ve yet to win more than one or two little silly things (a laptop bag, a cd or two) but when HGTV tells me to enter to win a house or my twitter feed says I could win an ipad2, I believe them. After all, somebody has to win those things. Why not me? I just have this deep-seated feeling that someday, sometime I’m going to win something huge.
No this is not a gambling problem, I do not understand throwing money away on something that isn’t a sure bet (excepting the RARE $1 scratch card I may buy with K-Cool out of friendship traditions without expectation of reward other than fun), but it is that intangible belief that the world is inherently good and giving, even when it does not seem so.
So yes, I am finding ways to tune in on the internet at 9, 12, and 3 while at work to see if I am going to win that ipad2 and yes I entered the TWLOHA t-shirt design contest on Buzznet, and yes I have a throw-away email that is devoted to signing up for things. Laugh if you like.
a joyful and chic-tourist-esque dressed in honor of Hawaiian Friday and donut consumer for National Donut Day,
P.S. I’ve been to the gym and been under my calorie limit every day this week. Except for yesterday when I was planning a long walk instead of the gym but it poured rain so I bought a tape dispenser and notebooks and walked around an office supply store lusting after pens for an hour before Second Work for a lame indoor walk. I will make up for it today.
I think I am going to begin a new exercise routine–details to follow.
I’ve been warned that “office jobs make you fat” so I am again tracking everything. I’m definitely not perfect, but I wouldn’t like me if I was.