Here is the honest truth: I miss being in school.
I miss it so much.
It isn’t really the people (although they were great).
It isn’t the campus (I work there everyday).
It is the simple reality of being in a space devoted purely to educating the mind and freeing the intellect. The day to day dialectic. The responsibility to dissect every word read, every picture seen, everything experience for what lies beneath.
I miss lectures, I miss taking copious notes, I miss homework. Mostly, I miss the academic essay. When, other than being a student, can one walk from room to room and see others engaged in heated academic discussion?
Last night I began to write a paper comparing a novel to its film adaptation because I thirst so much for a literature class. Yes, you heard me, an honest-to-god citations-and-all paper. Anyway, how fair is it to train me up for the last sixteen years for academics to be my day to day reality and then just expect me to get over it once I graduate? Why, when I was so happy in the classroom, am I expected to be without school the rest of my life? This is a cruel world in which we live. Even continuing on to a higher degree is only a stop-measure on the inevitability of life apart from being actively engaged in the classroom. Unless….
I have gone back and forth over the years pondering the possibility of teaching. I have long since decided that I could not teach at a level lower than college. Over the past six months not being in a classroom setting I have come to realize just how much I love it. I have always loved helping teach concepts to others and I think I could be an excellent professor with training. You know me, my plans are always changing. But for now my dreams are to get an MFA in Playwriting and then continue on in my education and eventually teach playwriting/theatre while continuing my music, writing, acting, and directing. An academic setting would be the perfect place for me to continue pursuing all that I love to do while also imparting my passion for knowledge on others. I love nothing more than using my skills to help others to pursue their potential.
I don’t know when I will continue on this journey, but the more I seriously consider it the more I desire it.
I have also had some other dramatic life changes recently. For instance, I have now joined the rest of the world in wearing a contact in each eye. I have taken pleasure in in the past confusing people by announcing that I have my contact (singular) in, but those days are no more. I now have contacts for both eyes and am astounded that I can see clearly. Up close, far away, none of it is blurry! I also have a terrible astigmatism in my right eye and a more mild one in my left. One box for each eye of the astigmatism contacts were more than I used to pay for four boxes of my old prescription. Phah.
I also ordered new glasses from Coastal.com and cannot wait for them to reach me. (Super bargain–there is a “first pair free” deal on this site. I entered my new prescription, found the glasses and got to virtually try them on, and then only paid $52 because I wanted to upgrade to a different lens with multiple coatings. It was free shipping over $50, and my designer glasses ended up costing me about the same as a box of contacts. When I have to order new contacts it will definitely be online).
I also recently purchased a Verilux HappyLight (R) and after two hours of exposure I cannot begin to describe how much more energized and amazing I feel.
Ever since writing an A+ paper on Seasonal Affective Disorder in my Psych class I have wondered casually about the symptoms. I do become much more lethargic, cravy, and a little depressed during the winter. Rather than go through the bother of getting a doctor’s appointment (who does that?) I took some online quizzes* that I am sure are highly reliable and decided that I ought to go and buy one. Being the bargain shopper I found the desktop model I wanted for $31 on Overstock.com and I cannot begin to tell you how much I love this purchase.
*sidenote= I am too smart for most online quizzes. I too often can choose my results because I am good at ferreting out the meanings of the answers. I think that this is similar to my inborn talent (and delight) for standardized tests. I am seriously a standardized test goddess. Perhaps it is also related to my love for other things that most people hate: for the Dentist’s office, huffing rubber cement, and pouring stinging antiseptics into my own open wounds?
After one hour of sitting in front of the happy lamp I felt happy, got up and exercised, made my mom her cookies, tidied, and smiled a lot. I am convinced that I was correct in my need for this purchase.
Since I have to go to bed in an hour in order to be able to get up for work in the morning I shall leave you now, happier than I’ve been all month, and hoping that you are happy too. I can see!