Today, during lunch, the wind was beating at Old Main and these were my thoughts:
The wind is howling outside my window, up here, above them all. I say ‘howling’ because that is expected, but also because it is true. The wind catches our pain in sound, the way nothing else can. I think if I could hear my soul it would sound like the wind heard from a very tall height. Not that I’m all pain–I’m definitely not. But the collective injustices of the world gather together and are voiced by the wind. It shrieks out: against rape, especially, against abuse and against neglect, against violence and sharp words and cubicles, against lost loves, long loves, storybook loves, and operatic loves (all loves are touched by at least a drop of the deepest pain). The soul wind also speaks of danger–run! flee! Of painful deceptions and backhanded complements, of mortality, of greed and hubris–from these things we run.
But we also luxuriate in them.
The single greatest pain cried of by the wind is that these tragedies cannot exist without humanity, and we, humanity, cannot exist without them either.
In addition to the beautifully melancholy wind, there was also an abundance of sunshine outside today, and out of the shadows it actually felt not-freezing-cold for about an hour. When I had to escape the office around lunchtime I rolled my windows down letting the wind blow out my hair and wished for my sunglasses. I am so, so, so happy. Therefore, expect many more sad poems. I write them best when I am happy.
When I returned indoors it was to another source of same spectrum of UVA light because I took my happy lamp to work. I had been using it at home but when I went back to work (after the week of snow days) it was too late at night and was keeping me up. Today I brought it into the office and I have been delightedly happy all day long, and awake. There was a lot of negative energy all throughout the day today, but I really didn’t mind. Earbuds in, sunshine lamp on, I was one happy office bee.
Unfortunately, Overstock.com has sold out its older model and the similar model is now $70, but ebay still has some options. I sincerely recommend this to everyone who doesn’t live in a supremely sunny climate (and who I haven’t already convinced that they need one). Everyone. I have been working out very regularly lately, but I hadn’t been able to lose weight for a while. I even put on a few pounds this fall/winter not used to being in the office all day and being just a wee bit tad depressed. Well, ladies and gents, since getting my happy light I have more than tripled my energy, positive vibes, and I have lost 8 pounds. Don’t worry, I weighed myself at different times during the day for three days in a row just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke. I know I have no proven scientific research, there are probably explainable mitigating factors, but ever since I started soaking up the rays I have gained happiness, motivation, and I have lost weight.
That is all for this evening, I’ve got to pick out my outfit for tomorrow. As the first declaration of our new office Fun Police, this Friday is Purple and Green day. I don’t know what the consequences are for not complying, but anyone who knows me knows that I will dress up for just about anything, only very slight provocation needed.
[Also, anyone know of a good pillow to put on my office chair? My butt has developed some pain…]
the happiest Emilie you’ve heard from in months
P.S. Tune into my work blog tomorrow after 9am PST for an amazing LotR comic that I drew at http://www.connectsmu.wordpress.com
P.P.S. L’Oreal Paris has the best new shades of nail polish out. I bought one today, I want them all, but apparently nail polish now costs $7-$9-$12 at the drugstore. I just don’t know how or when that happened.