After grudgingly reading the novel Divergent on the plane today (I recommend it) I started thinking about my fears. My true, honest, fears. Not just little anxieties, not fleeting shocks, but paralyzing fear.

I started to ask myself what I am truly afraid of and how those fears manifest themself in my life. Strangely, my list of fears is quite short.

1) I am afraid of being stuck.

2) I am afraid of losing control of my faculties.

3) I am afraid that my logical mind will rationalize itself out of a wonderful future at some point, and even worse, that I will not realize it.

Those are all that I can come up with as actual, deep-seated fears. Little things from day to day frighten me, but then I do them or get past them or accept them, and I am no longer afraid of them.

I’ve never been phobia-prone, I just don’t understand phobias at all. Feet, clowns, spiders, the dark, these are all just parts of life to me. 

I believe that caution is healthy, but having the courage to leap is the only thing I know. Not leaping, staying sedantary, is my darkside and what I try to avoid. It can lead me into depression and limit my actions in a way that is not healthy.

I have not always been this brave but I have always been this driven.

I cannot live my life afraid of the might-bes or the could-have-beens, so when I am in danger of falling prisoner to the three thoughts numbered above, I change the subject or take action. Just because you have a 4-in-4,000 chance of success does not mean that you cannot be one of those four.



4 thoughts on “Three

  1. Ok I am ganna throw it out there that most people I dont think are well adjusted enough to truly know some of the things that are fears deep down in their hid psyche. Also come on you cant be cooler then four… i mean… four is the coolest!!! Im glad you liked the book!

    • I agree, there may be hidden depths of fears I am unaware of and if they come up I will let you know. Also it isn’t about being cooler than Four (I mean, let’s face it, when have I ever been cool?) It is just about recognizing your fears.

  2. I like this post a lot. And I think people are all too bound by their fears, which, if they were to really about, are probably not as bad as they think.

    Too bad our luck with scratch tickets hasn’t been even as good as 4 in 4,000….bahahaha

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